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kirsten_dunst18

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I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[12 Jul 2005|07:05pm]
You know. Ive been sitting here staring at the screen for 2 hours now. I need to write, but I have nothing to write about. I'm getting over Ioan leaving thanks to Tom and Liv. But it still hurts...mother finally left me alone. I think shes been thrown in prison or something..good.

Keeps them all waiting
They're standing in line
He never has to worry about being alone
He's taking his own sweet time
The man's mighty hot
Believe it or not
Every woman's after what the big boy's got
They know it's all a lie but they're taking their shot

He is such a smooth-talking man
They never want to let him go
He'll be gone when the morning comes
Then they'll be the first to know

It's just a big mistake
Such a big mistake
Well, it won't be the first
It definitely won't be the last one you make
Just a big mistake

Sooner or later they're gonna find out
He never cares about the hearts he's breaking tonight
He's letting it all hang out
The man's mighty tough
Better leave before it starts to get too rough

He such a smooth-talking man
They never want to let him go
He'll be gone when the morning comes
Then they'll be the first to know

It's a big mistake
Such a big mistake
Well, it won't be the first
It definitely won't be the last one you make
Such a big mistake
Just a big mistake
Such a big mistake
Such a big mistake

You might think you oughta call him Mr. Right
Baby you might get a big surprise tonight
You might think you oughta call him Mr. Right
Baby you might get a big surprise tonight

In the morning when you find him gone
It's a big mistake
You know you've been lied to
In the morning when you know you're wrong
Such a big mistake
There's no one to cry to

In the morning when you find him gone
It's a big mistake
You know you've been lied to
In the morning when you're so alone
Such a big mistake
When you're so alone

In the morning when you find him gone
In the morning when you know you're wrong
In the morning when you find him gone
In the morning you'll be so alone, so alone

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[27 Jun 2005|04:13pm]


You're not ready for the world outside.
You keep pretending, but you just can't hide.
I know that I said that I'd be standing by your side,
But I...

Your path's unbeaten, and it's all uphill.
And you can meet it, but you never will.
And I'm the reason that you're standing still.
But I...

I wish I could say the right words to lead you through this land,
Wish I could play the part, and take you by the hand.
Wish I could sta - y but now I understand
I'm standing in the way.

The cries around you, you don't hear at all.
'Cause you know I'm here, to take that call.
So you just lie there when you should be standing tall.
But I...

I wish I could lay your arms down, and let you rest at last.
Wish I could slay your demons, but now that time has passed.
Wish I could sta - y your stalwart standing-fast,
But I'm standing in the way.
I'm just standing in the way.

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[26 Jun 2005|11:05pm]
when the devil is too busy
and death's a bit too much
they call me by name you see
for my special touch
to the gentleman i'm Miss Fortune
to the ladies i'm Sir Prise
but call me by any name
any way it's all the same

i'm the fly in your soup
i'm the pebble in your shoe
i'm the pea beneath your bead
i'm the bump on every head
i'm the peel on which you slip
i'm the pin in every hip
i'm the thorn in your side
makes you wriggle and writhe

and it's so easy when you're evil
this is the life you see
the devil tips his hat to me
i do it all because i'm evil
and i do it all for free
your tears are all the pay i'll ever need

while there's children to make sad
while there's candy to be had
while there's pockets left to pick
while there's grannies left to trip down the stairs
i'll be there
i'll be waiting round the corner
it's a game i'm glad i'm in it
cuz there's one born every minute

and it's so easy when you're evil
this is the life you see
the devil tips his hat to me
i do it all because i'm evil
and i do it all for free
your tears are all the pay i'll ever need

i pledge my allegience to all things dark
and i promise on my damned soul
to do as i am told
for beelzebub has never seen
a soldier quite like me
not only does his job but does it happily

i'm the fear that keeps you wake
i'm the shadows on the wall
i'm the monsters they become
i'm the nightmare in your skull
i'm the dagger in your back
an extra turn upon the rack
i'm the quivering of your heart
a stabbing pain, a sudden start

and it's so easy when you're evil
this is the life you see
the devil tips his hat to me
i do it all because i'm evil
and i do it all for free
your tears are all the pay i'll ever need
and i do it all for free
your tears are all the pay i'll ever need
and i do it all for free
your tears are all the pay i'll ever need

it gets so lonely being evil
what i'd do to see a smile
even for a little while
and no one loves you when you're evil
i'm lying through my teeth
your tears are all the company i need

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[11 Jun 2005|07:01pm]
I cant quit crying. All I want to do is go back home even if my mother was a bitch from hell. I cant stay here anymore. Just because I'm the way I am, I don't normaly talk to people. And the one I actually got close enough to, to fall in love, has left once again. This is the second time and god, I dont know. I just want to go home and see my father there again. He always knew what to do but hes dead, I can never feel his arms around me and comfort me the way I long to be.

She lets her eyes fall from her laptop screen and to the cool smooth blade she has in her hand, she traces a soft thumb over the sharp edge feeling the warm blood flow out slowly.

I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of not having him in my life anymore and mother not caring. You don't know how hard it is to live life and to pretend your happy.

she shuts her eyes and presses the blade close to her neck and runs the dull part across it feeling the blood from her thumb spread on her pale skin.

She stops and holds out her wrist and makes a long cut going down. The blood rushes from her body as if a damn just broke and floods out onto her. She lays down on the bed and lets herself bleed not caring if she lives or dies anymore. Her eyes flutter closed as she lets herself cry pulling her knees close to her chest

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

ALL ABOUT LOVING YOU (Bon Jovi) [11 May 2005|02:06am]
Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you

All about lovin' you

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

to many things going on inside my head makes me wish I were nothing. [29 Apr 2005|01:34am]
It's late, I'm tired, haven't eaten for 3 days, my heart feels like its dyeing...I'm going to bed before I cry.

Goodnight world.

2 When You Cried | I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[18 Apr 2005|03:21pm]
I smell like cherry blossoms.

I dont know what else to say...

New Layout, New info page.

...yeah, thats about it.

I still love Ioan.

2 When You Cried | I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

42 hours without sleep anfd counting. [04 Apr 2005|04:06am]
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[04 Mar 2005|08:20pm]
Ready...here we go...
The Second Star
Dream your way to the stars in the sky
you and me, me and you on our way to the top
Spread your wings, we can fly to the stars in the sky
To the left to the moon is the star on the right
And I can meet you, I can meet you, I can meet you

The Second Star to the right
shines in the night for you
To tell you that the dreams you plan
Really can come true

The second star to the right,
Shines with a light thats rare.
And if its Never Land you need,
Its light will lead you there.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star (little star)
So Ill know (I will know) where you are (where you are.)
Gleaming in the skies above (ohhh)
Lead me to the land I dreamed of.

And when our journey is through,
Each time we say good night, (say goodnight)
Well thank the little star that shines,
The second from the right. (Second from the right)

The second star, yeahhh ohhh
The second star, woahhh

Dream me away to the stars never stop
You and me, me and you, on our way to the top.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
So Ill know where you are (where you are.)
Gleaming in the skies above (ohhh)
Lead me to the land I dreamed of.

And when our journey is through,
Each time we say good night, (we say goodnight)
Well thank the little star that shines,
The second from the right (second from the right)

The second star, yeahhh
The second star, woahhh

Every time you need its light, itll be there
To show the dreams you plan can come true.

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[25 Feb 2005|07:34am]
[ mood | my mind wont shut up ]

starts up her laptop and takes a drink of her bottled water hopeing her journal wont be such a freaking asshole this time and let her update. She clicks on the link to her journal and starts to make a locked entry, (well, so she thinks..evil journal) mainly for reasons of not letting people know how 'head over heals' she is for Ioan, though she remembers, so she thinks, she told him she loved him back at that night when she slept. A palm goes to her for head and she shakes her head. 'It's not a bad thing I told him right? The worst thing he could say is he doesnt feel that way about me..right?' She sighs and lets everything go.

So I spent the feb. 15th night with Ioan. Jesus it felt great to sleep knowing that someone you care alot for is right there next to you and their not going to let anything happen to you. I guess he's what I've been missing all a long. I cant explain it really, it just feels like he was put on this (not so bad anymore) earth to help me and to just be there for me. I dont know what I'd do if I didnt have him...ok, so I do know, but I'm not going to tell anyone, its not such a good thing. oh wait, no one can see this. well then, ten to one if I didnt have him I'd either be in one of three places.

1)behind bars on death roq for snapping and going to kill, touture, maim, be head, gut....yeah, my mother.
2)I would of tried to kill myself and I'd be six feet under by now.
3)Dead from the lack of sleep. People can die if their body doesnt get enough of it. I dont get it some times, we can go days / weeks without food and water, but if we do that with sleep our bodys shut down on its own...confuseing.

So I guess you can say me meeting Ioan could of damn well saved my life. From the moment I saw him walk in to the main building with Greg, I was drawn to him like a fly to suger or some stupid analagie like that. And ever since that day I cant get him out of my fucking head. He's in there all the time wether if I'm with him or not. Some way some how, hes just always there, helping me through all of this shit. I dont see what he sees in me though, theres alot of beautiful people in this place, hell, even some of the teaches are pretty cute. All I know is I'm glad hes does for whatever his reasons.

...I love him. With everything I have inside and god so much more. I dont know what it is about him, but I love him. Everything I find out about him wether it be good or bad tends to make me fall that much faster for him, if I'm not already there... His eyes look as if though they can look deep in to me and see all my problems. His voice so calming and reasuring for me. His lips...soft as can be when pressed against mine.

Jesus I'm scared. What if I mess this up? What if something happens? Stop, I cant think like that. He once told me that "if only's will drive you fucking insane, Kirsten" And hes right. I cant let the what if and if onlys get to me. I have him now, right at this moment, even though hes in his cabin sick or was sick..or something. I havent seen him for a few days, I miss him alot. But I know I cant be around him 24/7 he'd get sick of me so fast It'd be shit.

So I guess thats about it..oh yeah, I have a letter from 'mother.' I'm not going to read it, I'm tired of her fucking with my life. I'm not even her child anymore, so she can just back the fuck off before I get smart and sue her for harrasment.

I love Ioan, its a fact now. Let's just hope he feels the same way about me..if not, then please god dont let him tell me..or have him tell me..fuck, I dont know. All I know is I do love him. I'm sorry Ioan, but I cant help it.

She sighs and talks to herself. 'yeah, I'm very sorry for telling you how I felt if you dont even think of me like that...we could be just dateing and nothing more, or we could just be friends dateing...' she sighs again. 'Jesus, I've never loved someone this much. Fuck, I've actually never loved anyone before unless you count my dad and animals...'she covers her face and sighs yet again. She hits the update button and turns her laptop off laying back down in her bed just stareing off into nothing wondering what Ioans doing right now.

2 When You Cried | I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[14 Feb 2005|12:58pm]
[ mood | content ]

yawns

so I've gotten bored and made a new layout for my journal...yeah. I've been spending alot of time with Ioan, I really like him. He makes me smile and I dont know, I just really like being with him. And lastnight..man, it was a rollar coaster ride from hell, but in the end, I couldnt think of any other I'd rather have it. Because if things didnt happen lastnight, then I would of never found out how Ioan feels about me. And it's almost the same way I feel towards him.

I know hes scared of hurting me, but I'm willing to take that chance because I honestly dont think I can be happy without him. To tell you the truth, I'm scared of messing up his life even more. But you know what? It doesnt matter. I'll die before I ever hurt him.

I bought you this because you're my luck Ioan. Hope you like it..

And now I dont know what to say. So I'm going to head for the showers.

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

I Am War, I Am Pain...I Am All You've Ever Slain... [13 Feb 2005|04:55pm]
You make me shiver
You make me quiver
You make me feel
Like I'm losing my breath

Don't take me higher
Don't light my fire
'Cause I'm afraid
It could burn me to death

Don't think about
Don't talk about
Forget about
Don't think about
Don't talk about
Don't speak it out

Love - Don't give me love

And as I'm yearning
My bed is burning
And then again
I am starting to freeze
And as I'm shaking
My heart is aching
And in your eyes
I can see the disease

Don't think about...
Don't do it

Love - Don't give me love
Stop this!

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

now you understand why I try to fly on these broken wings of mine... [12 Feb 2005|03:26pm]
blink blink blink blink blink, she has writers block from hell, all she can do is sit and stair at the blinking line on her laptop screen. Then she gets an Idea. And starts to type.

Seeing how im always to myself most of the time, I've decided to give myself something to look back on when my life gets to be better..

she sighs and takes a deep breath and starts. 'here we go..'

I grew up in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, where I lived with my mother and father for the most part. I never liked staying at home for long periods of time. I even snuck out at night and walked around the city. My father and I are..were really close, nothing could break us up except for one thing. And mother was that one thing. She never wanted me, always said I was a mistake and she wishes that she never had me because I messed up her life. Father always stood up for me and told her to "back the fuck off" that "I was the best thing to ever happen to him, and if she ever lays a hand on me that he'd kill her himself." Little did he know that she's been doing that to me since I was 8. I miss him.

Anyway. He shot himself in the head after a big fight he and mother had in the bathroom..on my real birthday..which is the reason I say that valentines day is my birthday, i cant live life knowing that he killed himself on the day I was born. I mean, its supposed to be a happy day, but it can never be that again..ever. So thats my life in a very small nutshell. If I were to tell you everything, how I feel sometimes, why I think the way I do, and just everything about me...we'd be here for a very long time.

So theres a little insight in to my life. Hopefuly one day I can update this thing with a happy part of my life. But I wouldnt hold your breath for to long.

blink blink blink blink blink...she's finished and pushes the update button and closes her laptop and lays down listening to the sounds around her.

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[10 Feb 2005|08:15pm]
I'm tired. But its fine. I've met someone really great.

so heres the drawing I've been working on, just finished. It's for my dad..

feel my pain in your heart.Collapse )

2 When You Cried | I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[10 Feb 2005|04:16pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]




Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.


Add a fortune to your website or
blog, click
here.



...fuck...

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[04 Feb 2005|12:53am]
There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh, never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh, when's it gonna end

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
How far
Ooohhhh

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[03 Feb 2005|08:39pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

just something I did today.Collapse )

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[03 Feb 2005|02:28am]
You scored as Winter. You are WINTER. You're more introspective, thinking deeply, feeling deeply. You love nothing better than to enjoy one on one time with those who are important to you. You are cautious, and sometimes second guess yourself. Dreams, though you have them, are a luxury, because life is not a plaything.

</td>

Winter

85%

Fall

65%

Summer

50%

Spring

35%

What Season Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com


You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

</td>

Unipolar Depression

100%

Schizophrenia

83%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

67%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

42%

Borderline Personality Disorder

17%

Eating Disorders

0%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com


^^duh^^

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[01 Feb 2005|10:55pm]
[ mood | okay ]

some of my drawingsCollapse )

And my sog of the day is:


I can’t get no satisfaction,
I can’t get no satisfaction.
’cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m drivin’ in my car
And that man comes on the radio
And he’s tellin’ me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no satisfaction,
I can’t get no satisfaction.
’cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m watchin’ my tv
And that man comes on to tell me
How white my shirts can be.
Well he can’t be a man ’cause he doesn’t smoke
The same cigarrettes as me.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no satisfaction,
I can’t get no girl with action.
’cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m ridin’ round the world
And I’m doin’ this and I’m signing that
And I’m tryin’ to make some girl
Who tells me baby better come back later next week
’cause you see I’m on losing streak.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no, I can’t get no,
I can’t get no satisfaction,
No satisfaction, no satisfaction, no satisfaction

I'd Wipe Away All Of Your Tears

[31 Jan 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I've met to great people so far. and I'm rooming with one of them! Emma is so cool and reallt pretty too. But sadly I havent seen heath around, he must be being the man whore that he is. its all good, people can do what they want as long as their happy. ok, well its really cold here and i'm tired...i guess.

night.

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